I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
