I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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