My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Randomize
