I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
