You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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