May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
ugly people sure do ruin things
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
