my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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