dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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