you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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