i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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