What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
