i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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