YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Randomize
