So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
