11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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