i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
