white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he puts the penis in happiness.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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