When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
