Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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