Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
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Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I currently don't understand fingers.
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