how can u be prego again
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
