ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
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He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize