Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize