WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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