My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize