dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
