every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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