Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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