so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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