well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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