I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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