I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
