my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
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