i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
