I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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