we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
