She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
