I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
