Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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