Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
