did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
These tits shall not be calmed
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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