I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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