I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
too bad burritos don't cuddle back