the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.