batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face