4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.