I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do