just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
