I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
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Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
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I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.