I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
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Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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