the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
