awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
