So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Randomize
