I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
