that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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