I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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