i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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