Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
