just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
