Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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