I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
