Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
