I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
