i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
