Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
