Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
