Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
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You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
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Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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