Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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