do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I'm both gender and math confused
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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