I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Randomize
