how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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