if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
