I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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