if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
